"The road to Hell is paved with good intentions" because "the Devil is in the details." I wonder how many times we've heard these quotes and simply accepted them at face value: rather than truly digging deep enough to see where these quotes actually applied to us in our own lives? For me, these quotes took on a whole new meaning once I experienced my transformation; but in order to articulate the evolution of these quotes in my own life, we must first rewind back to the beginning of 2010 when I first laid eyes upon Jane.
It was sometime in the middle of February and I was just starting to make an effort to get plugged into Church. I remember meeting members of the praise team and vocalizing my interest in being part of the music ministry. I was honored that one of the praise leaders actually invited me to shadow their practices on Saturdays and I remember anticipating the following weekend. However, to my surprise, when I had gotten to church that next Saturday, none of the praise team members were there; instead, I was greeted by an usher welcoming people to a seminar that was just about to start. Apparently, practice was canceled and I seemed to have missed the memo. Despite the miss-communication I figured, since I've already made the trek to church, I might as well make the most of it: and so I participated in the seminar regardless of the fact that I knew absolutely no one and felt like a complete stranger. As I sat in the back, I couldn't help but notice that my eyes were naturally gravitating toward this one girl and it seemed as if our eyes must have crossed paths several times throughout the first half of the seminar. She definitely had my attention and it was pretty sad; because in retrospect, I should have been more focused on the seminar and not this girl that so hypnotically captivated my attention.
I remember a voice inside me saying, "YOU HAVE TO MEET THIS GIRL!" I wanted to ignore it but let's keep in mind, this was all happening while I was still living for myself and not for God. Needless to say, I indulged my superego and began looking for an opportunity in which I could at least make an introduction. The Jedi within me began to plot and scheme of ways in which I could meet her without making it look intentional. I didn't want my intentions to be known because no matter how many different ways I looked at this whole scenario, I knew my heart was not right with God. However, this is most likely all hindsight bias because I'm pretty sure I committed to my actions way before I even considered what God would want first. I think it's safe to assume that I subconsciously manipulated the circumstances naturally because I only had one agenda to fulfill, and that was getting what Danner wanted without making himself look bad or appear as if he was after something.
I remember seeing her walking in with another guy and it appeared as if they were either close friends or an item. I was really hoping for the former to say the least; because ultimately, my end goal was to find a way to get closer to her and if she was already taken, making such an effort would seem pointless. Anyways, after the first half of the seminar, there was an intermission and time allotted for people to grab lunch before the second half began. After everybody started to mingle and discuss where they were going to eat lunch, I recognized the guy Jane was sitting with and so I strategically placed myself in his vicinity in hopes that I could capitalize on an opportunity to participate in his conversation. I overheard him speaking of the food industry and so I couldn't help but intrude because I originally came to Korea to penetrate the food industry as well.
I made my introduction and began to share with him my reasons for coming to Korea. Eventually, Jane approached and he introduced me. This was how I was able to accomplish my initial objective: to make an introduction without my intentions being known.
Afterward, a group of people including Jane decided to go eat at a Chinese restaurant near church and I was pretty stoked that I would have an opportunity to find out more about her. It was a chance to put a story behind this girl that peaked my interest so suddenly and unexpectedly. While we were waiting for our food, I made sure to ask basic questions and make the most of the opportunity that had presented itself in front of me. It was a plus to learn that the guy Jane was with was not her boyfriend; but to my dismay however, I also learned that she was older than me and it was so painful to hear Jane utter the words, "Wow, you're so young." Was it over before it ever began? I was so shocked to learn that she was older than me because by all appearances, she definitely did not look her age. I even thought that she might be younger than me; but I guess that's all pretty irrelevant. I digress. Jane was one of the first people I met at church so in the following weeks, it was quite easy for me to talk with her after service; and quite frankly, she was always the highlight of my week whenever I got to see her. Each time we spoke, I tried to make the most of it and genuienly make an effort to get to know jane as a person. Through the mini conversations that took place in the following weeks, I learned enough about Jane to know that she definitely fit the basic criteria for what I looked for in a wife. The more I got to know Jane, the more my feelings and intentions for her began to shift to a more noble and genuine purpose.
Finally, I was able to have a one on one with Jane in March. It was a few days after "White Day" which is a holiday in Korea which takes place on the 14th of March. On this holiday, the guys get something for the girls and John wanted my help with baking cookies for his girfriend at the time. I figured, if we were going to do all this for John's girlfriend, I might as well give my portion of the cookies to someone I thought was special; and of course, Jane was the only girl that came to mind. Needless to say, after "White Day" had passed, I told Jane that I wanted to give her something and so I asked her out for coffee. I was actually shocked she said yes but that just goes to show how great of a person Jane is.
While we had coffee, we had a great oppurtunity to share a little bit of our pasts and talk about our relationships with God. It was then that I learned about Jane's resilience, love for God, business minded independence, successful career, and her childlike heart. She quickly became the object of my affection and my admiration for her had a way of bringing out the best in me. I prayed about her several times afterward, but this is where I feel that the "road to Hell was paved with good intentions" in my own life. Though my intentions for her were pure, my core motivation behind my intentions were still not right with God. Later on, I would come to realize this; but at the time, I had no idea that Jane would play such a monumental role in my life altering transformation. A combination of John's Transformation, my own transformation, and my feelings for Jane would somehow all come together in such a way that would open my eyes to a whole different dynamic in my relationships with God and women; but, this will be for another day.
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