"One of them, an expert in the law, tested him (Jesus) with this question: 'teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?' Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.'" -Matthew 22:35-40
It was now December and John had been back from San Fransisco for a few weeks. With each passing day his transformation manifested more intensely and I couldn't help but to reminisce back to the days when I remembered being so on fire for God. It was like looking at a mirror that reflected a memory of who I used to be in God's love when I looked upon John. Though I was overwhelmed with joy, I was also filled with sorrow. Looking at John and his fiery passion to love God in the best way he knew how only reminded me that my love for God was not a love in which I was proud. I realized that when you truly fall in love, with anyone really, obedience is one of the first things you want to offer up.
John struggled with an addictive personality and with such, came many vices. I remember John telling me that he was going to drop everything: he was going to purge all of the darkness within. He said he was going to be obedient to God and that he wanted me to help him with it. The culmination of all our conversations on obedience rang a resounding message. Now, mind you, these conversations took place while I myself was still in darkness; so, my stance on obedience was simply what I had retained in the past. I wasn't necessarily obedient myself to say the least; but that wasn't so much because I wasn't obeying or being mindful of God's commands while in darkness, but we can get to that later. As we spoke on obedience, I began to see that the meaning of obedience had been so restricted in my own mind. Obedience to me simply revolved around the legalities of Christianity. Thou shalt not do this, thou shalt not do that. Obedience to me, seemed to only apply to the do's and dont's of Christianity. As I pondered the significance of the commands God had given us and began to analyze why exactly we as Christians adhered to all the commands of God with such rigidity, I realized: I, along with so many other Christians, had it all wrong when it came to obedience.
When I thought about this whole fallacy revolving around obedience on my own time, I remembered the passage above. I asked myself, if loving God with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind is the greatest commandment God gave to us, why was I so preoccupied with the legalities of the do's and dont's of Christianity? Then it struck me: if God's commandments were completely isolated and set apart from God, they would be nothing more than a pathetic rule book to limit our actions and ways of life. I'm not saying that I actively broke every commandment possible simply because I thought they were meaningless and unnecessary, but what I AM saying is that the reasoning behind why I felt so guilty for not obeying God's commands were completely flawed. Here I was feeling guilty because I KNEW I was living in darkness and I KNEW I was having a little too much fun in the gray zone; but in reality, I should have felt guilty because I didn't actively love God.
As I said before, when you first fall in love with someone, obedience is usually one of the first things you want to offer up. Why is this? And why do so many of us Christians seem to lose sight of this reality when it comes to our relationship with God? Obedience to God shouldn't be because you have a clear grasp on the legalities of the Law; but instead, we should be obedient to God because the greatest commandment is to love Him first. With that being said, obedience doesn't just encompass adhering His commands and following all of His teachings with exact precision; because if that were the case, God would not be glorified at all. Obedience has a much deeper meaning than that. My epiphany helped me realize that the deeper meaning behind obedience to God meant being in tune with Him and being sensitive to His presence, not just simply being able to comply with a rule book.
Picture a master and a servant. When the master commands his servant to do this task or that, it is expected of the servant to comply with his master's wishes. The master doesn't gain any satisfaction in the fact that his servant fulfills what he was told to do because he is only doing what is expected of him. Now conversely, picture a father and his son. If the child simply obeyed his father in the same fashion the servant obeyed his master, what satisfaction could possibly be gained by the father? Obedience would be nothing more than just the bi-product of dominance; and ultimately, obedience would be an empty and meaningless shell. I believe obedience means so much more than that. I believe the son's obedience in the father's eyes would be so much sweeter if it was because the son was harmoniously in tune with his father's heart. However, sometimes this kind of obedience is a lot easier said than done.
Burning out in the Christian walk is quite a discouraging reality when it comes to realizing just how weak we really are. I have a theory on why so many of us Christians burn out so easily. I feel that Christians burn out because we lose sight of why we obeyed God's commandments in the first place. In the beginning, we are so on fire for God and we are so in love with Him that obeying His commands come so naturally and effortlessly. At first, obedience to the legalistic aspect of Christianity is bearable; but over time, it becomes second nature: it becomes nothing more than the empty shell that is obedience. Once we have forgotten the significance behind obedience, the very act of obedience begins to chip away at our love for God because many times, we find our obedience to be an inconvenience. This inconvenience then slowly begins feeling like an obligation rather than a natural response and a bi-product of our love for God; until eventually, we don't love God at all with our hearts, but instead simply with our lips. This is why it is so important to comprehend the true meaning of Obedience in Christ. Obedience to God should be out of love not an obligation. Ultimately, my conversations with John on obedience taught me that I didn't feel guilty because I wasn't the most ideal Christian when it came to obeying God's commands; but rather, I felt guilty because I realized I didn't love God at that point in my life: at least not in the sense that I loved Him with all my heart. However, all that changed on Sunday, the day after Christmas.
Up until that point, John never came with me to church. Regardless of how many times I asked him to join me or prayed for that day to come, it seemed as if I was fighting a lost cause; however, given this new transformation that had changed his life, I thought it was worth another shot. At first, John was a little resistant to the idea so he began attending a different service once he got back from San Fransisco. I was completely happy with the fact that he was at least attending A church, but I still had this burning desire in my heart for us to attend service together. We had never attended service together prior to that day: so imagine my surprise when John actually asked me if he could join me on that Sunday after Christmas. I was ecstatic! I was so pumped to finally introduce him to the body of Christ and my church. I explained to him why fellowship was so important and why I wanted him to be part of my church. Needless to say, that day had finally come, and there he was, standing right next to me during worship. Then it hit my like a ton of bricks and tears began to flow down my face like Niagara Falls. Everything that John and I had talked about throughout the whole year suddenly flashed like snapshot memories in my mind and the sensation pierced my heart with an overwhelming revelation of God's love and grace. It was there, while standing next to John at church for the first time in my life, that I finally underwent transformation of my own; and believe me, it was long overdue. However, in order to understand the magnitude of such a climax, we'll have to rewind a little and take a closer look into my past. So, if the beauty of God's love isn't apparent by now, hopefully a little more insight into my past will open your eyes to the same beauty that I have recently rediscovered in God's grace.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Transformation (part 3)
"Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance -- for understanding proverbs and parables, the saying and riddles of the wise. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, but fools (morally deficient) despise wisdom and discipline." -Proverbs 1:5-7
Once John returned from San Fransisco, I was quite surprised to hear that much had changed in his life. There was something definitely different in his demeanor. He was blessed with an insatiable curiosity, not for being able to tell the future so that he could gain a sense of control in his life, but rather for the mystery that is God. He no longer cared about the outcome of his life, but instead, he simply wanted to know God. I was bombarded with questions about the Christian faith; and though I felt inadequate to properly articulate the answers John was searching for, I answered them to the best of my abilities and with ecstatic enthusiasm.
Needless to say, the fear of the Lord came up in one of our conversations and we spent quite some time discussing the significance behind this concept as Christians. Now that John had made the internal decision to challenge his faith in God, the next step was to understand the wisdom behind God's divine power. I remember sharing this scripture with John and trying to explain what it means to me to fear the Lord. The fear of the Lord is not confiding in "fire insurance" because you don't want to be damned to Hell for all eternity, nor does it mean you should obey the Lord simply because you fear Him, because I don't believe this is the kind of fear God wanted to portray to his Children.
John was a new man and I was digging every moment of it because it was so exciting to see how God was using such a terrible Christian such as me to be a part of John's transformation; but more importantly, I was so enamored with God's love in the way He was using John to be part of my own transformation as well. However, we shall address this in greater detail later.
John began asking questions about obedience and duties we must fulfill as Christians and I really wanted to highlight the fact that obedience should not be out of fear, but out of reverence and love. There are many benefits behind the wisdom of God and in order to fully acknowledge the greatness behind His divinity, we must first humble ourselves and acknowledge that we are truly insignificant when it comes to pitting our fallible understandings against that of God's. In order to better understand this, briefly think of someone in your life that you hold in high regard. Ask yourself, "Why do I respect this individual?" What has this person done, shown, or said for you to acknowledge that he/she is worth respecting? Then you might reach the conclusion that you respect this person because you feel like you could learn something from him/her. In the very least, you may hold this person in high regard because you look up to him/her. Respect is one of the first signs of humility and therefore, it is very crucial for you to respect God's divinity: and once you can truly grasp onto such a respect, you will begin to learn why the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Proverbs 3:1-8 does a great job or articulating just that.
"My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."
Essentially, your reverence and love for God allows you to respect Him enough to humble yourself to His teachings and submit yourself to his divine power. Your respect for God allows you to see the magnitude of His greatness and therefore cannot help but to fear the limitless power of God. As a result, the fear of the Lord does not cause you to love and respect God, but rather because you love and respect Him, you fear Him out of reverence. I don't believe you can truly fear God until you acknowledge and respect Him first. Most importantly, the fear of the Lord should never be so because you are afraid to go to hell; because if that is the only reason why you fear God, then you should really ask yourself, "Do I truly KNOW God?"
Once I articulated my Beliefs on the fear of the Lord with John, we eventually reached the aspect of obedience as a Christian and all the complexities that surrounded it. This is when part of my own transformation began to manifest; because as God spoke through me, He was also teaching me at the same time. That is how great God is.
Once John returned from San Fransisco, I was quite surprised to hear that much had changed in his life. There was something definitely different in his demeanor. He was blessed with an insatiable curiosity, not for being able to tell the future so that he could gain a sense of control in his life, but rather for the mystery that is God. He no longer cared about the outcome of his life, but instead, he simply wanted to know God. I was bombarded with questions about the Christian faith; and though I felt inadequate to properly articulate the answers John was searching for, I answered them to the best of my abilities and with ecstatic enthusiasm.
Needless to say, the fear of the Lord came up in one of our conversations and we spent quite some time discussing the significance behind this concept as Christians. Now that John had made the internal decision to challenge his faith in God, the next step was to understand the wisdom behind God's divine power. I remember sharing this scripture with John and trying to explain what it means to me to fear the Lord. The fear of the Lord is not confiding in "fire insurance" because you don't want to be damned to Hell for all eternity, nor does it mean you should obey the Lord simply because you fear Him, because I don't believe this is the kind of fear God wanted to portray to his Children.
John was a new man and I was digging every moment of it because it was so exciting to see how God was using such a terrible Christian such as me to be a part of John's transformation; but more importantly, I was so enamored with God's love in the way He was using John to be part of my own transformation as well. However, we shall address this in greater detail later.
John began asking questions about obedience and duties we must fulfill as Christians and I really wanted to highlight the fact that obedience should not be out of fear, but out of reverence and love. There are many benefits behind the wisdom of God and in order to fully acknowledge the greatness behind His divinity, we must first humble ourselves and acknowledge that we are truly insignificant when it comes to pitting our fallible understandings against that of God's. In order to better understand this, briefly think of someone in your life that you hold in high regard. Ask yourself, "Why do I respect this individual?" What has this person done, shown, or said for you to acknowledge that he/she is worth respecting? Then you might reach the conclusion that you respect this person because you feel like you could learn something from him/her. In the very least, you may hold this person in high regard because you look up to him/her. Respect is one of the first signs of humility and therefore, it is very crucial for you to respect God's divinity: and once you can truly grasp onto such a respect, you will begin to learn why the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Proverbs 3:1-8 does a great job or articulating just that.
"My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."
Essentially, your reverence and love for God allows you to respect Him enough to humble yourself to His teachings and submit yourself to his divine power. Your respect for God allows you to see the magnitude of His greatness and therefore cannot help but to fear the limitless power of God. As a result, the fear of the Lord does not cause you to love and respect God, but rather because you love and respect Him, you fear Him out of reverence. I don't believe you can truly fear God until you acknowledge and respect Him first. Most importantly, the fear of the Lord should never be so because you are afraid to go to hell; because if that is the only reason why you fear God, then you should really ask yourself, "Do I truly KNOW God?"
Once I articulated my Beliefs on the fear of the Lord with John, we eventually reached the aspect of obedience as a Christian and all the complexities that surrounded it. This is when part of my own transformation began to manifest; because as God spoke through me, He was also teaching me at the same time. That is how great God is.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Transformation (part 2)
Each conversation we had as the months passed seemed to get a little more intense with each visit to the concept of Faith. John was slowly acknowledging that in the end, his problem with God wasn't so much his circumstances, rather than a lack of faith. I remember telling John that if God didn't love him, why else would he send people like me and my brother into his life? John felt that God had to show him a clear sign but he didn't grasp onto the fact that the very conversations we were having about faith was in a sense a sign from God in itself. To be honest, I didn't really think of it that way either until I actually sat down and pondered the whole concept of God's Grace. God uses even the most unworthy of His Children to accomplish His great and perfect Will.
There have been so many times in my own life when I kept asking God for a sign or for Him to reveal Himself to me, but I failed to pay attention when He was actually trying to tell me something. It was breaking my heart that my words weren't able to change John's heart but I remembered a time when someone once told me that all we can do as Christians is plant the seed and let God do what He must to nurture that seed and change John's heart from the inside out. There was nothing else I could do but continue to share my convictions and show John that I would always support him and love him regardless of his own convictions, beliefs, or disagreements. I truly believe that the gospel must be shared in love, so that is exactly what I did. I loved John with all my heart and I will always Love him.
Then November rolled around. John had planned a trip to San Fransisco so that he could visit a friend in need. I remember wishing him traveling mercies and telling him not to get himself into too much trouble. A few weeks went by and little did I know, a transformation was taking place in John's life while he was overseas.
John's friend had shared his testimony with John and told him about all the tribulations he was going through. John couldn't possibly grasp onto the fact that despite all of his friend's negative circumstances, he still found it in his heart to be joyful and excited about the plans that God had in store for him. I think this is when everything started to click and the puzzle pieces started to fit for John. Once John realized the magnitude of his friend's circumstances and yet was able to see joy in his friend's heart, John realized that he had been so wrong about everything. The thing is, John had some pretty nasty circumstances of his own. He suffered from many things and was tormented by the fact that if God was such a good God, why would He let all these bad things happen to John and his family. He was genuinely angry with God because he knew just how much his family loved God but yet, God allowed them to go through so much pain and suffering. He couldn't comprehend the fact that God would allow bad things to happen to good people. Sounds pretty familiar right? I'm pretty sure everyone has heard something along those lines from someone else before or harbored the very thought in his/her own heart at one point or another.
The problem of evil is an age old dispute that many people harbor inside when it comes to fighting with God. I think we as believers and even some non believers have fought with God before at least once in our lives. Let's face it, as Christians, God is such an easy scapegoat for us. Its so easy to place the blame on the mastermind or the puppet master; but we have to ask ourselves, is God a puppet master or the divine creator and God of the Universe? Does God actually make specific things happen to certain people? Is God simply a kid with a magnifying glass abusing His own power to burn ants along the sidewalk? I don't know the answer to this question but what I DO believe is that God is always in control and He would never allow something to happen on this world without using it to achieve a more glorious purpose. Isaiah chapter 55 comes to mind when I think about this paradox within the problem of evil. I would highly recommend reading this chapter if you struggle with the same issue. Isaiah 55:8-11 in particular has helped me a great deal over the years when it came to observing my own life and my own struggles. This is the word of the Lord...
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from the heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
In this life, perspective is everything. The focus of your attention can mean the difference between enlightenment and a black heart. Will you focus on the surface of reality and accept the visible circumstances as your subjective reality or will you dive deeper and find the meaning behind it all? I feel so many of us humans in general, regardless of whether we are believers or not, take life at face value and jump to conclusions too prematurely. As a result, many humans become jaded, callus, cynical, and downright negative as they get older. Its pretty sad that this kind of reality has brainwashed people into thinking that naivety and wearing your heart on your sleeve is associated with being "young," while being callus and cynical is associated with maturity. I think once you can experience your fair share of trials and tribulations and still be able to wear your heart on your sleeve and maintain a positive outlook on life, you can truly say you have matured. Doing this is no easy task and could definitely not be done without a higher power on your side. Regardless of whether or not you choose to give credit where credit is due, I truly believe that it wasn't me that was able to prevail from my own afflictions unscathed and therefore, my heart tells me that God is real and He lives within me.
Humans are so bound by the limitations of time and its pretty unfortunate that we as humans all want immediate gratification. I am by no means an exception. I constantly find myself wishing I could control time and space just so that I could gain a better understanding of the bigger picture; but then again, what is life if you already know each turn and obstacle that your journey will take? Ask yourself this. When you are anticipating to watch a movie you are really excited about, do you go around asking people that have already watched it all the specific details of the movie or do you simply ask, "Was it good?"
Why is our lives any different from watching a huge blockbuster movie? Why are we so curious to know every detail of our own lives? In my opinion, I think curiosity grows so intensely within us because we hate not feeling like we are in control.
Helplessness is such an excruciating feeling and what do most people do when they feel helpless and pushed into a corner? They either explode with guns blazing and try to gain back the control they feel they've lost, beat themselves up because they can't do anything about it, or my favorite, place all the blame on God or some other external locust of control so that they won't have to feel so bad about themselves. I can honestly say that I have done all three of them at some point in my life. There have been times I've cursed God because I felt so helpless but what I failed to realize was, sometimes God allows us to feel helpless so that we can begin to comprehend the necessity for a power greater than our own. It's so easy to start convincing yourself that all the great things you've accomplished in your life have been on your own, and in many ways, that is very true. Your actions ARE your own and your victories by all appearances are yours as well; however, once you take the next step and interpret this reality as a means to exclude God out of your life, the fallacies begin to pile up. Therefore, God must keep us all in check and reveal Himself to us in ways that aren't so obvious and clear cut. Because while on the one hand, it is necessary for God's people to realize the fallacies in their own ways; on the flip side, God would gain no glory by telling everyone how their journey ends. Life is a journey and God just wants to be a part of it, not be the one to spoil the ending.
It would be so nice if God could just descend from the Heavens and literally come to us individually and spell everything out for us; but then again, where would God be glorified in all of it? If God left no room for faith so that His creation could seek Him on their own terms, God would be no different from any other scientific principle that could just as easily be credited or discredited through human means. Faith is intangible. Faith is something that many people seem to fear. Faith is in many ways, surrendering control over to God so that we can be obedient to His plans; however, this may be the very reason why people are so fearful of faith, because it means surrendering control. This is the Grace of God, a choice to love Him or reject Him. God is not a dictator. He is simply a Father who wants His children to love Him because they choose to love Him, not because He puts a gun to our heads and commands us to love Him out of fear. Yes the fear of the Lord is the beginning of Knowledge but we can address that later. Fearing the Lord and why we should fear the Lord was the next thing John and I discussed after he returned with a greater curiosity to learn more.
There have been so many times in my own life when I kept asking God for a sign or for Him to reveal Himself to me, but I failed to pay attention when He was actually trying to tell me something. It was breaking my heart that my words weren't able to change John's heart but I remembered a time when someone once told me that all we can do as Christians is plant the seed and let God do what He must to nurture that seed and change John's heart from the inside out. There was nothing else I could do but continue to share my convictions and show John that I would always support him and love him regardless of his own convictions, beliefs, or disagreements. I truly believe that the gospel must be shared in love, so that is exactly what I did. I loved John with all my heart and I will always Love him.
Then November rolled around. John had planned a trip to San Fransisco so that he could visit a friend in need. I remember wishing him traveling mercies and telling him not to get himself into too much trouble. A few weeks went by and little did I know, a transformation was taking place in John's life while he was overseas.
John's friend had shared his testimony with John and told him about all the tribulations he was going through. John couldn't possibly grasp onto the fact that despite all of his friend's negative circumstances, he still found it in his heart to be joyful and excited about the plans that God had in store for him. I think this is when everything started to click and the puzzle pieces started to fit for John. Once John realized the magnitude of his friend's circumstances and yet was able to see joy in his friend's heart, John realized that he had been so wrong about everything. The thing is, John had some pretty nasty circumstances of his own. He suffered from many things and was tormented by the fact that if God was such a good God, why would He let all these bad things happen to John and his family. He was genuinely angry with God because he knew just how much his family loved God but yet, God allowed them to go through so much pain and suffering. He couldn't comprehend the fact that God would allow bad things to happen to good people. Sounds pretty familiar right? I'm pretty sure everyone has heard something along those lines from someone else before or harbored the very thought in his/her own heart at one point or another.
The problem of evil is an age old dispute that many people harbor inside when it comes to fighting with God. I think we as believers and even some non believers have fought with God before at least once in our lives. Let's face it, as Christians, God is such an easy scapegoat for us. Its so easy to place the blame on the mastermind or the puppet master; but we have to ask ourselves, is God a puppet master or the divine creator and God of the Universe? Does God actually make specific things happen to certain people? Is God simply a kid with a magnifying glass abusing His own power to burn ants along the sidewalk? I don't know the answer to this question but what I DO believe is that God is always in control and He would never allow something to happen on this world without using it to achieve a more glorious purpose. Isaiah chapter 55 comes to mind when I think about this paradox within the problem of evil. I would highly recommend reading this chapter if you struggle with the same issue. Isaiah 55:8-11 in particular has helped me a great deal over the years when it came to observing my own life and my own struggles. This is the word of the Lord...
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from the heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
In this life, perspective is everything. The focus of your attention can mean the difference between enlightenment and a black heart. Will you focus on the surface of reality and accept the visible circumstances as your subjective reality or will you dive deeper and find the meaning behind it all? I feel so many of us humans in general, regardless of whether we are believers or not, take life at face value and jump to conclusions too prematurely. As a result, many humans become jaded, callus, cynical, and downright negative as they get older. Its pretty sad that this kind of reality has brainwashed people into thinking that naivety and wearing your heart on your sleeve is associated with being "young," while being callus and cynical is associated with maturity. I think once you can experience your fair share of trials and tribulations and still be able to wear your heart on your sleeve and maintain a positive outlook on life, you can truly say you have matured. Doing this is no easy task and could definitely not be done without a higher power on your side. Regardless of whether or not you choose to give credit where credit is due, I truly believe that it wasn't me that was able to prevail from my own afflictions unscathed and therefore, my heart tells me that God is real and He lives within me.
Humans are so bound by the limitations of time and its pretty unfortunate that we as humans all want immediate gratification. I am by no means an exception. I constantly find myself wishing I could control time and space just so that I could gain a better understanding of the bigger picture; but then again, what is life if you already know each turn and obstacle that your journey will take? Ask yourself this. When you are anticipating to watch a movie you are really excited about, do you go around asking people that have already watched it all the specific details of the movie or do you simply ask, "Was it good?"
Why is our lives any different from watching a huge blockbuster movie? Why are we so curious to know every detail of our own lives? In my opinion, I think curiosity grows so intensely within us because we hate not feeling like we are in control.
Helplessness is such an excruciating feeling and what do most people do when they feel helpless and pushed into a corner? They either explode with guns blazing and try to gain back the control they feel they've lost, beat themselves up because they can't do anything about it, or my favorite, place all the blame on God or some other external locust of control so that they won't have to feel so bad about themselves. I can honestly say that I have done all three of them at some point in my life. There have been times I've cursed God because I felt so helpless but what I failed to realize was, sometimes God allows us to feel helpless so that we can begin to comprehend the necessity for a power greater than our own. It's so easy to start convincing yourself that all the great things you've accomplished in your life have been on your own, and in many ways, that is very true. Your actions ARE your own and your victories by all appearances are yours as well; however, once you take the next step and interpret this reality as a means to exclude God out of your life, the fallacies begin to pile up. Therefore, God must keep us all in check and reveal Himself to us in ways that aren't so obvious and clear cut. Because while on the one hand, it is necessary for God's people to realize the fallacies in their own ways; on the flip side, God would gain no glory by telling everyone how their journey ends. Life is a journey and God just wants to be a part of it, not be the one to spoil the ending.
It would be so nice if God could just descend from the Heavens and literally come to us individually and spell everything out for us; but then again, where would God be glorified in all of it? If God left no room for faith so that His creation could seek Him on their own terms, God would be no different from any other scientific principle that could just as easily be credited or discredited through human means. Faith is intangible. Faith is something that many people seem to fear. Faith is in many ways, surrendering control over to God so that we can be obedient to His plans; however, this may be the very reason why people are so fearful of faith, because it means surrendering control. This is the Grace of God, a choice to love Him or reject Him. God is not a dictator. He is simply a Father who wants His children to love Him because they choose to love Him, not because He puts a gun to our heads and commands us to love Him out of fear. Yes the fear of the Lord is the beginning of Knowledge but we can address that later. Fearing the Lord and why we should fear the Lord was the next thing John and I discussed after he returned with a greater curiosity to learn more.
Transformation (part 1)
So God has used 2010 as a year of climactic proportions for me and my walk with Him. It all started with my move to Korea and ever since then, He has taken me on several journeys that I never thought would somehow converge together so that God could tell me a story through the life I lived in 2010. But to keep things simple, I shall focus on two specific journeys. One journey revolves around my best friend and the other around the girl that happened to intoxicate me with an almost sinful obsession ever since my arrival in Korea. For the sake of stating the obvious, I won't use their real names but for the purpose of clearly articulating the story, I shall assign aliases. Let's call my best friend, John and my sinful obsession, Jane.
I met John through my brother when I first came to Korea. John and Paul met each other while enrolled in a global MBA program at Yonsei in 2009. John took the initiative to befriend Paul (brother) and in retrospect, if John never put effort into investing in a friendship with my brother, I would have never met John and a great deal of my transformation would have never fully manifested itself in the way that it did. You see, my brother isn't the most distinguished social butterfly; in fact, he is quite the opposite. To go into a little detail about my brother, Paul is at the core, a very rigid, logical, pragmatic, independent, and stubborn individual. He is very selective with his friends and usually doesn't have too many at the same time. Not to say that it is a bad thing that my brother is the way he is but it serves as a simple preface to the character that is my brother.
Anyways, Paul was one of the first people to challenge John in his beliefs about God and faith. John grew up in a Christian family but he never really had a desire to get to know God. In fact, he was actually fighting with Him. If you actually think about it, John's actions in befriending my brother in essence served as the catalyst to unknowingly set into motion God's ultimate plan for John, but we will get to that later.
Let's fast forward to my arrival in Korea. I got to Korea in January of 2010 and in many ways, my arrival in Korea represented many different beginnings. It represented a new beginning as a man, in redefining myself, and in finding myself in God's will. It was definitely a fresh start for me and it was greatly needed in my life. I digress. John and I clicked very well during our first encounter. I could tell that he was a pretty sophisticated man and I could see why my brother became close friends with him. As my relationship developed with John, I learned that John was actually angry with God. It worried me that John would appear agitated and frustrated whenever God came up in conversation; but despite his apparent frustrations with God, he was always open to talking about it. The focus of our conversations about God usually boiled down to one aspect of Christianity, Faith. However, given my own state in my walk with God, I just assumed that our conversations were nothing more than conversation. I remember thinking to myself, how could God possibly use me to bring John closer to God when it was no secret to John how broken I was. I was very transparent with John so he knew that I knew I didn't view myself as an ideal Christian. I still don't view myself as an ideal Christian, but that doesn't in anyway say that I love God any less than the next person. I guess you can say that I have a very abstract perspective when it comes to my relationship with God, but then again, this transformation that I am building up to would have never taken place had I not felt the way that I did.
I met John through my brother when I first came to Korea. John and Paul met each other while enrolled in a global MBA program at Yonsei in 2009. John took the initiative to befriend Paul (brother) and in retrospect, if John never put effort into investing in a friendship with my brother, I would have never met John and a great deal of my transformation would have never fully manifested itself in the way that it did. You see, my brother isn't the most distinguished social butterfly; in fact, he is quite the opposite. To go into a little detail about my brother, Paul is at the core, a very rigid, logical, pragmatic, independent, and stubborn individual. He is very selective with his friends and usually doesn't have too many at the same time. Not to say that it is a bad thing that my brother is the way he is but it serves as a simple preface to the character that is my brother.
Anyways, Paul was one of the first people to challenge John in his beliefs about God and faith. John grew up in a Christian family but he never really had a desire to get to know God. In fact, he was actually fighting with Him. If you actually think about it, John's actions in befriending my brother in essence served as the catalyst to unknowingly set into motion God's ultimate plan for John, but we will get to that later.
Let's fast forward to my arrival in Korea. I got to Korea in January of 2010 and in many ways, my arrival in Korea represented many different beginnings. It represented a new beginning as a man, in redefining myself, and in finding myself in God's will. It was definitely a fresh start for me and it was greatly needed in my life. I digress. John and I clicked very well during our first encounter. I could tell that he was a pretty sophisticated man and I could see why my brother became close friends with him. As my relationship developed with John, I learned that John was actually angry with God. It worried me that John would appear agitated and frustrated whenever God came up in conversation; but despite his apparent frustrations with God, he was always open to talking about it. The focus of our conversations about God usually boiled down to one aspect of Christianity, Faith. However, given my own state in my walk with God, I just assumed that our conversations were nothing more than conversation. I remember thinking to myself, how could God possibly use me to bring John closer to God when it was no secret to John how broken I was. I was very transparent with John so he knew that I knew I didn't view myself as an ideal Christian. I still don't view myself as an ideal Christian, but that doesn't in anyway say that I love God any less than the next person. I guess you can say that I have a very abstract perspective when it comes to my relationship with God, but then again, this transformation that I am building up to would have never taken place had I not felt the way that I did.
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