Transformation (part 4)

"One of them, an expert in the law, tested him (Jesus) with this question: 'teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?' Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.'" -Matthew 22:35-40

It was now December and John had been back from San Fransisco for a few weeks. With each passing day his transformation manifested more intensely and I couldn't help but to reminisce back to the days when I remembered being so on fire for God. It was like looking at a mirror that reflected a memory of who I used to be in God's love when I looked upon John. Though I was overwhelmed with joy, I was also filled with sorrow. Looking at John and his fiery passion to love God in the best way he knew how only reminded me that my love for God was not a love in which I was proud. I realized that when you truly fall in love, with anyone really, obedience is one of the first things you want to offer up.

John struggled with an addictive personality and with such, came many vices. I remember John telling me that he was going to drop everything: he was going to purge all of the darkness within. He said he was going to be obedient to God and that he wanted me to help him with it. The culmination of all our conversations on obedience rang a resounding message. Now, mind you, these conversations took place while I myself was still in darkness; so, my stance on obedience was simply what I had retained in the past. I wasn't necessarily obedient myself to say the least; but that wasn't so much because I wasn't obeying or being mindful of God's commands while in darkness, but we can get to that later. As we spoke on obedience, I began to see that the meaning of obedience had been so restricted in my own mind. Obedience to me simply revolved around the legalities of Christianity. Thou shalt not do this, thou shalt not do that. Obedience to me, seemed to only apply to the do's and dont's of Christianity. As I pondered the significance of the commands God had given us and began to analyze why exactly we as Christians adhered to all the commands of God with such rigidity, I realized: I, along with so many other Christians, had it all wrong when it came to obedience.

When I thought about this whole fallacy revolving around obedience on my own time, I remembered the passage above. I asked myself, if loving God with all my heart and all my soul and all my mind is the greatest commandment God gave to us, why was I so preoccupied with the legalities of the do's and dont's of Christianity? Then it struck me: if God's commandments were completely isolated and set apart from God, they would be nothing more than a pathetic rule book to limit our actions and ways of life. I'm not saying that I actively broke every commandment possible simply because I thought they were meaningless and unnecessary, but what I AM saying is that the reasoning behind why I felt so guilty for not obeying God's commands were completely flawed. Here I was feeling guilty because I KNEW I was living in darkness and I KNEW I was having a little too much fun in the gray zone; but in reality, I should have felt guilty because I didn't actively love God.

As I said before, when you first fall in love with someone, obedience is usually one of the first things you want to offer up. Why is this? And why do so many of us Christians seem to lose sight of this reality when it comes to our relationship with God? Obedience to God shouldn't be because you have a clear grasp on the legalities of the Law; but instead, we should be obedient to God because the greatest commandment is to love Him first. With that being said, obedience doesn't just encompass adhering His commands and following all of His teachings with exact precision; because if that were the case, God would not be glorified at all. Obedience has a much deeper meaning than that. My epiphany helped me realize that the deeper meaning behind obedience to God meant being in tune with Him and being sensitive to His presence, not just simply being able to comply with a rule book. 

Picture a master and a servant. When the master commands his servant to do this task or that, it is expected of the servant to comply with his master's wishes. The master doesn't gain any satisfaction in the fact that his servant fulfills what he was told to do because he is only doing what is expected of him. Now conversely, picture a father and his son. If the child simply obeyed his father in the same fashion the servant obeyed his master, what satisfaction could possibly be gained by the father? Obedience would be nothing more than just the bi-product of dominance; and ultimately, obedience would be an empty and meaningless shell. I believe obedience means so much more than that. I believe the son's obedience in the father's eyes would be so much sweeter if it was because the son was harmoniously in tune with his father's heart. However, sometimes this kind of obedience is a lot easier said than done.

Burning out in the Christian walk is quite a discouraging reality when it comes to realizing just how weak we really are. I have a theory on why so many of us Christians burn out so easily. I feel that Christians burn out because we lose sight of why we obeyed God's commandments in the first place. In the beginning, we are so on fire for God and we are so in love with Him that obeying His commands come so naturally and effortlessly. At first, obedience to the legalistic aspect of Christianity is bearable; but over time, it becomes second nature: it becomes nothing more than the empty shell that is obedience. Once we have forgotten the significance behind obedience, the very act of obedience begins to chip away at our love for God because many times, we find our obedience to be an inconvenience. This inconvenience then slowly begins feeling like an obligation rather than a natural response and a bi-product of our love for God; until eventually, we don't love God at all with our hearts, but instead simply with our lips. This is why it is so important to comprehend the true meaning of Obedience in Christ. Obedience to God should be out of love not an obligation. Ultimately, my conversations with John on obedience taught me that I didn't feel guilty because I wasn't the most ideal Christian when it came to obeying God's commands; but rather, I felt guilty because I realized I didn't love God at that point in my life: at least not in the sense that I loved Him with all my heart. However, all that changed on Sunday, the day after Christmas.

Up until that point, John never came with me to church. Regardless of how many times I asked him to join me or prayed for that day to come, it seemed as if I was fighting a lost cause; however, given this new transformation that had changed his life, I thought it was worth another shot. At first, John was a little resistant to the idea so he began attending a different service once he got back from San Fransisco. I was completely happy with the fact that he was at least attending A church, but I still had this burning desire in my heart  for us to attend service together. We had never attended service together prior to that day: so imagine my surprise when John actually asked me if he could join me on that Sunday after Christmas. I was ecstatic! I was so pumped to finally introduce him to the body of Christ and my church. I explained to him why fellowship was so important and why I wanted him to be part of my church. Needless to say, that day had finally come, and there he was, standing right next to me during worship. Then it hit my like a ton of bricks and tears began to flow down my face like Niagara Falls. Everything that John and I had talked about throughout the whole year suddenly flashed like snapshot memories in my mind and the sensation pierced my heart with an overwhelming revelation of God's love and grace. It was there, while standing next to John at church for the first time in my life, that I finally underwent transformation of my own; and believe me, it was long overdue. However, in order to understand the magnitude of such a climax, we'll have to rewind a little and take a closer look into my past. So, if the beauty of God's love isn't apparent by now, hopefully a little more insight into my past will open your eyes to the same beauty that I have recently rediscovered in God's grace.