Each conversation we had as the months passed seemed to get a little more intense with each visit to the concept of Faith. John was slowly acknowledging that in the end, his problem with God wasn't so much his circumstances, rather than a lack of faith. I remember telling John that if God didn't love him, why else would he send people like me and my brother into his life? John felt that God had to show him a clear sign but he didn't grasp onto the fact that the very conversations we were having about faith was in a sense a sign from God in itself. To be honest, I didn't really think of it that way either until I actually sat down and pondered the whole concept of God's Grace. God uses even the most unworthy of His Children to accomplish His great and perfect Will.
There have been so many times in my own life when I kept asking God for a sign or for Him to reveal Himself to me, but I failed to pay attention when He was actually trying to tell me something. It was breaking my heart that my words weren't able to change John's heart but I remembered a time when someone once told me that all we can do as Christians is plant the seed and let God do what He must to nurture that seed and change John's heart from the inside out. There was nothing else I could do but continue to share my convictions and show John that I would always support him and love him regardless of his own convictions, beliefs, or disagreements. I truly believe that the gospel must be shared in love, so that is exactly what I did. I loved John with all my heart and I will always Love him.
Then November rolled around. John had planned a trip to San Fransisco so that he could visit a friend in need. I remember wishing him traveling mercies and telling him not to get himself into too much trouble. A few weeks went by and little did I know, a transformation was taking place in John's life while he was overseas.
John's friend had shared his testimony with John and told him about all the tribulations he was going through. John couldn't possibly grasp onto the fact that despite all of his friend's negative circumstances, he still found it in his heart to be joyful and excited about the plans that God had in store for him. I think this is when everything started to click and the puzzle pieces started to fit for John. Once John realized the magnitude of his friend's circumstances and yet was able to see joy in his friend's heart, John realized that he had been so wrong about everything. The thing is, John had some pretty nasty circumstances of his own. He suffered from many things and was tormented by the fact that if God was such a good God, why would He let all these bad things happen to John and his family. He was genuinely angry with God because he knew just how much his family loved God but yet, God allowed them to go through so much pain and suffering. He couldn't comprehend the fact that God would allow bad things to happen to good people. Sounds pretty familiar right? I'm pretty sure everyone has heard something along those lines from someone else before or harbored the very thought in his/her own heart at one point or another.
The problem of evil is an age old dispute that many people harbor inside when it comes to fighting with God. I think we as believers and even some non believers have fought with God before at least once in our lives. Let's face it, as Christians, God is such an easy scapegoat for us. Its so easy to place the blame on the mastermind or the puppet master; but we have to ask ourselves, is God a puppet master or the divine creator and God of the Universe? Does God actually make specific things happen to certain people? Is God simply a kid with a magnifying glass abusing His own power to burn ants along the sidewalk? I don't know the answer to this question but what I DO believe is that God is always in control and He would never allow something to happen on this world without using it to achieve a more glorious purpose. Isaiah chapter 55 comes to mind when I think about this paradox within the problem of evil. I would highly recommend reading this chapter if you struggle with the same issue. Isaiah 55:8-11 in particular has helped me a great deal over the years when it came to observing my own life and my own struggles. This is the word of the Lord...
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from the heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
In this life, perspective is everything. The focus of your attention can mean the difference between enlightenment and a black heart. Will you focus on the surface of reality and accept the visible circumstances as your subjective reality or will you dive deeper and find the meaning behind it all? I feel so many of us humans in general, regardless of whether we are believers or not, take life at face value and jump to conclusions too prematurely. As a result, many humans become jaded, callus, cynical, and downright negative as they get older. Its pretty sad that this kind of reality has brainwashed people into thinking that naivety and wearing your heart on your sleeve is associated with being "young," while being callus and cynical is associated with maturity. I think once you can experience your fair share of trials and tribulations and still be able to wear your heart on your sleeve and maintain a positive outlook on life, you can truly say you have matured. Doing this is no easy task and could definitely not be done without a higher power on your side. Regardless of whether or not you choose to give credit where credit is due, I truly believe that it wasn't me that was able to prevail from my own afflictions unscathed and therefore, my heart tells me that God is real and He lives within me.
Humans are so bound by the limitations of time and its pretty unfortunate that we as humans all want immediate gratification. I am by no means an exception. I constantly find myself wishing I could control time and space just so that I could gain a better understanding of the bigger picture; but then again, what is life if you already know each turn and obstacle that your journey will take? Ask yourself this. When you are anticipating to watch a movie you are really excited about, do you go around asking people that have already watched it all the specific details of the movie or do you simply ask, "Was it good?"
Why is our lives any different from watching a huge blockbuster movie? Why are we so curious to know every detail of our own lives? In my opinion, I think curiosity grows so intensely within us because we hate not feeling like we are in control.
Helplessness is such an excruciating feeling and what do most people do when they feel helpless and pushed into a corner? They either explode with guns blazing and try to gain back the control they feel they've lost, beat themselves up because they can't do anything about it, or my favorite, place all the blame on God or some other external locust of control so that they won't have to feel so bad about themselves. I can honestly say that I have done all three of them at some point in my life. There have been times I've cursed God because I felt so helpless but what I failed to realize was, sometimes God allows us to feel helpless so that we can begin to comprehend the necessity for a power greater than our own. It's so easy to start convincing yourself that all the great things you've accomplished in your life have been on your own, and in many ways, that is very true. Your actions ARE your own and your victories by all appearances are yours as well; however, once you take the next step and interpret this reality as a means to exclude God out of your life, the fallacies begin to pile up. Therefore, God must keep us all in check and reveal Himself to us in ways that aren't so obvious and clear cut. Because while on the one hand, it is necessary for God's people to realize the fallacies in their own ways; on the flip side, God would gain no glory by telling everyone how their journey ends. Life is a journey and God just wants to be a part of it, not be the one to spoil the ending.
It would be so nice if God could just descend from the Heavens and literally come to us individually and spell everything out for us; but then again, where would God be glorified in all of it? If God left no room for faith so that His creation could seek Him on their own terms, God would be no different from any other scientific principle that could just as easily be credited or discredited through human means. Faith is intangible. Faith is something that many people seem to fear. Faith is in many ways, surrendering control over to God so that we can be obedient to His plans; however, this may be the very reason why people are so fearful of faith, because it means surrendering control. This is the Grace of God, a choice to love Him or reject Him. God is not a dictator. He is simply a Father who wants His children to love Him because they choose to love Him, not because He puts a gun to our heads and commands us to love Him out of fear. Yes the fear of the Lord is the beginning of Knowledge but we can address that later. Fearing the Lord and why we should fear the Lord was the next thing John and I discussed after he returned with a greater curiosity to learn more.
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